Published: October 31, 2016 | Last modified: December 4, 2017
After hundreds of hours testing, our group of professional and amateur hitters are opinionated on the best bat for home defense. The right stick, we conclude, depends on the type of apocalypse and the type of defender. We walk through those options below. But, overall, the 29-inch Cold Steel Brooklyn Crusher serves as the best pick for the one swing defense. The bat’s durable, yet heavy construction will last longer than you do. And, if you can get solid contact in the dark, expect no less than one dead zombie.
Amazon price-check for the Brooklyn Crusher. We should note, the Crusher is not rated for BBCOR or any other play. Although we should also note, it’s composed of a material that looks and feels a lot like the indestructible Baum Bat, which you can find more about on our bat reviews page. Keep swinging and stay safe!
Best Bat For Home Defense
At 29 inches and 37 ounces, the Cold Steel Brooklyn Smasher is a dead serious bat. It is made of a plastic-type material that is virtually indestructible—as a number of youtube videos point out. (It also comes in a 34 incher, but that’s a lot of beef to be carrying around—we liked the 29 inch better).
We found the 29-inch length an effective striking distance. But, at 37-ounces the bat is made for muscle. As impact strength is a function of bat speed and bat mass, this 37-ounce swing is good for a one or two hit wonder. Those looking for a single bomb on a single zombie will find this helpful. Against a mass attack, however, expect fatigue to be the death of you.
Booklyn Crusher Video
We warn you ahead of time this video is only funny in the sense that fake blood on blowing up zombie heads is funny. If that is not funny you, then it would probably be best to just move on to the next section.
Although first in popular culture, the wood bat laced with barbed wire would be our third choice in the event we needed a one hit wonder in the zombie apocalypse. But, since durability may be a chief concern in a serious outbreak, a wood bat base is likely not practical. And making consistent contact on the face grain (label up!) would be difficult if a zombie spawn attacked. If you could put the barbed wire on an aluminum bat then we are talking.
And while we are being critical of Lucille, we are not sold on the idea that barbed wire improves the kill rate of zombies—although it clearly increases the impressiveness of the damage. If anything, we would prefer barbed wire around the sweet spot and balance point of the bat. Not, as Lucille is built, with it around the end cap. Max power is 6 inches down from the end cap.
Best Dual Purpose: Slugger Bachman Shoppe Z4
If we wanted a bat that was both useful for actual softball gameplay and surviving the zombie apocalypse, then we have decided an end loaded slowpitch softball bat with the lightest weight possible would be ideal. The standard 34-inch length is a must when distance matters. A focused 2 1/4 barrel makes more sense than a big barrel when attacking softballs and, well, soft balls. And an end loaded bat with an overall light weight makes the most sense for maximum damage.
It also raises the least amount of questions when found in your trunk.
A few bats fit into that realm, but we like the Bachman/Shoppe 2016 Z4 from Louisville Slugger. This 26.5 ounce end loaded bat with a focused barrel would be ideal for lighting up zombies and slow pitch scoreboards around the country. And, hello, the Z in the name must stand for something…
Best Bat for Crowd Control
If you have a better expectation as to the number of zombies or intruders you may be facing, and are slightly concerned you may not possess the arm strength to swing through each of them, consider a bat with a lighter swing weight. The 20-inch Brooklyn Crusher crowd makes a smaller one too. Made as a Boat Bat to knock out monster fish that have been reeled in, the 20 or 24-inch Boat Bat would work through a crowd of midget zombies in no time. At about 16 ounces, and less than $25, the bat serves as an easy swing for the strategic hitter, or better yet, two of them serve as an effective double fisted option.
Amazon Price Check the Boat Bat Here. It was $18 when we wrote this review.
Supermart Baton Light
Our favorite lighter option, in terms of being serious, is the Supermart Baton Light. It is a 2000 lumen flashlight inside of a metal baton with barbs at the end. The fact you need to keep up on the AAA batteries is never a plus, but the ability to see the zombie clearly before unloading on its earhole is a major plus—especially if your spouse is occasioned to wander the house in the middle of the night.
Amazon price check the Supermart Light Baton here. It was $15 when we wrote this review.
Practical Problems of Home Defense
Outside of the obvious, which is the intruder possibly carrying a gun, the use of a bat for home defense makes good sense. Bats are otherwise harmless until purposely drilled into the side of someone’s skull or back. Few items readily available in a home could be used as both a child’s toy and the weapon of choice in a zombie apocalypse.
In practice, however, bat usage as a weapon has some problems. To start, proximity is an issue. At no longer than 34 inches, the length of the longest bats made today, attacking an intruder with a bat means a close encounter. The closer the defender is to the bad thing means the greater potential for problems. A single miss could be a catastrophic mistake.
Second, at 37-ounces, which is what the 29-inch Brooklyn Crusher weighs, swinging the bat repeatedly is a difficult task. If total force is a function of the bat’s mass and bat’s speed, and it is, then a slow swing speed with a heavy bat isn’t any better than a very light bat with fast swing speed. Bat weapons become impractical as they become impossible to swing and an ultra heavy bat for the average strength is only good for a swing or two. A mob full of zombies means your end loaded Cold Steel Brooklyn Crusher won’t get you far, despite your desire to go down swinging.